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I believe this question comes from the years sometimes decades of messages we all have received that something is wrong with us. Capitalism survives on this very point— by convincing us of a deficit in ourselves or our lives. Not high enough? Am I too wet?

About me

This is a blog post about saying No. It was written a few years ago when I had an advice column.


I am a 16 year old girl and sexually active, and have had sex with a couple of guys. I just want to know how to maintain my self respect and confidence and how to control my body more. I almost want to recreate myself, have a fresh start.


Good for you for writing this letter, and I applaud you for your vision of knowing that you want to be both confident and self-respecting. This is not always an easy task, not ever, and especially not when you are But it does get easier over time, especially if you start now. It is important to surround yourself with friends who understand your process and can be supportive of you while not judging or shaming you. If women want sex casey have not yet discovered her, go explore her now!

Here is a list of quotes that I encourage you to read through, and also, this clip will be beneficial to watch. Please watch it.

More from medium

I was very glad when I did. When women become sexually active, they begin navigating not only the world of safe sex and good choices, but also the world of oppressive shame that surrounds them. Please know that you are not alone, and that many, many other girls your age are in the exact same boat. As you continue to grow, you will learn to form allies in this area. Something that changed my life very much when I was 18 was that I met another girl who could relate to and empathize with my own sexual path.

She and I both found tremendous relief and safety in each other because we could women want sex casey our stories and understand them without judgement. It was freeing and exhilarating to us both, and very essential as teenagers. To this day, she remains one of my very best friends. Now, moving on. Remember: you are not alone in this feeling. The answer to this is simple, but it is not easy: You must learn to Say No. Saying No to sex does not start, actually, with the sex itself. It starts much earlier than that.

And this is the important women want sex casey. You must decide for yourself and commit to yourself. If you are going to hang out with a potential partner, you decide before you even leave your house. Say it out loud to yourself: I am not going to have sex tonight.


And then, be ready for the steps that this will involve. Saying No and avoiding sex is a series of actions, not just saying a few words. The pressure is too great for you both.


It is much easier to Say No in the beginning, when your clothes are still on. The rest is implied. This alone will completely change your interactions.


And again, you commit to yourself. You will likely be pressured to take off your clothes. Even your own body and desires will want you to do it. So you have to be totally committed and own your choices. No one else will do it for you.

Be old fashioned about it. And what is a date? Maybe you want to make sure these guys give you something before you sleep with them.


What exactly is it that makes you feel respected around sex? Aside from these material things, there are other factors that make women feel valued: does he listen to you? Does has ask you questions?

Sexual scripts among young heterosexually active men and women: continuity and change

Is he interested in what you love to do and how you feel about things? Likewise, you can ask yourself things about him: do you like how he treats people? How does he act around his friends? Do you share any common ground with him? And so on. In valuing ourselves, we must also surround ourselves with people we value.


Write any rules and desires you come up within your journal so you can remember and read over them when you need a reminder. The decision to be sexually intimate with another person is a decision to be extremely vulnerable with them.

Sex and self-respect (or, the art of being a woman)

Supporting yourself in your vulnerability will give you more clarity and power in the decisions you make. Tell her where your weaknesses are and ask for advice and help. You will have to be discerning, as many people, adults and peers alike, will probably be slightly shameful again, society has encouraged this. But keep looking for that person who is not. They are out there.


Saying No is a long, hard process of education, self-esteem building, and confidence. You can begin to gather all of these things from your community, and away from the bedroom. I understand it so well.


Let me tell you what: you are not your bad decisions. You are not who you sleep with. You are not how many people you sleep with, or have slept with. You are none of these things. You are you and your sweet heart.

How gendered attitudes relate to women’s and men’s sexual behaviors and beliefs

Your fresh start is offered to you each morning you wake up. We all get an opportunity to begin again each day. That really struck me the first time he said it. Only what I chose to do next.

A sex therapist on anxiety, self-pleasure, and arousal non-concordance

I hope that in this letter i have provided at least some small glimmer of something that helps you. This topic is very close to my heart. I was also a sexually active teenager who struggled with major guilt over some of my choices. I was shamed by lots of people, including some young men and boys who drew power from shaming me. You will encounter these kinds of men over and over again.


Kick them to the curb as soon as you can. However, you must guard yourself. This is one of the hardest tasks given to girls your age. The only person who can protect your inner self, your sexuality, and your heart, is you. But you are valuable.

I’m done “looking past” poorly written female characters

Another thing to remember is that you are the gift. You choose who you give yourself to. It is not a compliment when someone wants to have sex with you. I wish someone had told me that when I was younger. Now that you are sexually active, you will spend a lot of time and energy learning how to maneuver attention and pressure from men.

You are the pot of gold and the rainbow. By learning to Say No, you lose nothing and gain everything. Saying No also has a snowball effect. Women want sex casey more you do it, the easier it gets. So once you get through that first time, the road will just get easier.

Sinun tietosi. sinun kokemuksesi.

Learning to Say No will make you feel much more empowered about the times you decide to Say Yes. About Sadie Rose. Work with me. VA School. Q: I am a 16 year old girl and sexually active, and have had sex with a couple of guys. Love, Learning to Love. A: Dear Learning to LoveGood for you for writing this letter, and I applaud you for your vision of knowing that you want to be both confident and self-respecting. Good luck.