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Why won't you date me? with nicole byer
Inspired by this Buzzfeed article, I made a list of reasons as to why I am still single and not capable to mingle:. I love my parents. You may wonder how this is related to me being single. To make matters even more awesome I am being sarcastic here they are strong to date me in astrology — Which essentially means that they wont give their blessing to a guy I choose to have a relationship with unless the horoscopes match according to some arcane criteria.
Like LOL! So if a guy tries to hit on me by coming up with a corny statement- such as comparing me to the moon — my left-brain takes precedence over my right brain.
See a problem?
I analyze the statement logically and find fallacy with it. I find it hilarious and respond with sarcasm. This happens to be the best guy repellent in my armor. I cannot flirt.
I have no idea how to be cloyingly sweet, attract attention and say the right things at the right time. Thinking about flirting gives me the cooties. I hate the whole process of dressing up for a date and looking good through out the date.
Dressing up for a date is way too complicated. Hair needs to be taken care of so that it looks neat which in my case involves two hours of intensive labormake up needs to be done, appropriate clothes, shoes and accessories have to be selected. To sum it up it takes a lot of time and effort to look acceptable.
Below i give you 55 reasons to date me:
I am sure all the nice looking shoes were once used as torture devices in the middle ages. They are deed to kill feet. Why would I willingly want to go through this torture, just so that I look good for him? I will be showing more interest towards food than the guy I am out on a date with.
I mean its food — my first love. Food is readily available and comes with no strings attached.
1. please be patient with me. give me time.
My brain has the attention span and self-control power equivalent to that of a monkey high on Prozac during a date — whenever I try to listen to someone I barely know, my brain goes on a hyper drive. Given below is an example of how my brain works when Ilisten to my date talk:.
My brain thinking: Ok this guy is way out of my league. I mean I feel like a baboon compared to him. Why did he decide to meet me?
To make me feel stupid? Or does he have fetish for monkeys? How come he has such nice straight hair? But wait a minute; does he spend a lot of time grooming his hair?
2. i have a heart of gold, but it won’t be easy to break down my walls.
Is that even normal for a guy? This expression of mine happens to be one of the most foolproof way to scare the guy away. This picture is the exact representation of how I look.
The list can go on and on. Big deal. Gives me more time to do things I am good at. Or so I tell myself.
How to be fit when traveling
My message to all the awkward single ladies like me — Take pride in being single and hope for someone to invent the love potion. Arts and Culture Lifestyle Relationships July 20, Inspired by this Buzzfeed article, I made a list of reasons as to why I am still single and not capable to mingle: 1.
This picture is the exact representation of how I look The list can go on and on. Related Posts. Home » Arts and Culture » six reasons to not date me!