Please location to help us display the correct information for your area. Typical to strong verbal language skills and intellectual ability distinguish Asperger syndrome from other types of autism. The tendencies described above vary widely among people. Many learn to overcome their challenges by building on strengths. Find the following services near you using the Autism Speaks Resource Guide. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help address anxiety and other personal challenges.
This will be my last post for a while. I hope to be back at some point, though I have no idea when. Seeking aspie woman then. As a late-diagnosed autistic adult, people often ask me why I bothered seeking out a diagnosis. At age 42, I was happily married, the parent of a grown daughter, and a successful business owner. That may seem like a trivial question, but when left unanswered for decades, it can become unsettling and haunting.
Finally having an explanation for my differences forced me to challenge some long-held beliefs about myself.
Believe in her possibilities
Those first inklings of acceptance brought me immense joy. Getting from those nascent thoughts to a fully-realized sense of acceptance, however, was a hard and often nonlinear journey. I set out to learn the intricacies of body language and making small talk. I was determined to master the correct way of using eye contact.
I vowed not to make socially inappropriate comments, though I was still vague on what exactly that meant. This turned out to be an seeking aspie woman and ultimately futile undertaking. The more I tried to fix myself, the worse I felt.
The of things I would need seeking aspie woman learn to pass as neurotypical felt overwhelming; I was ill-suited to even the simplest of them. My husband played along as I quizzed him about social rules, eye contact, feelings, and body language. I read how-to books for aspies, etiquette guides, and even social skills books written for children on the spectrum.
Eventually I grew weary of feeling that I was failing at one thing after another.
The self-consciousness and tension brought on by constantly monitoring my behavior for errors was demoralizing. With no end in sight, I gave up on my plan to fix myself. Around the same time, I discovered a community seeking aspie woman autistic adult bloggers. Reading about their experiences, I was surprised to discover how much I had in common with them. Autistic bloggers, on the other hand, seemed like regular people. Women like me, with average lives, writing about experiences that felt familiar.
I left long, excited comments on the blog posts that spoke to me most strongly and was surprised to get friendly, thoughtful replies.
There was a sense of community among the writers and their readers that was unfamiliar to me. Too often in the past, when I related an experience in a group of people, even people who seemed remarkably similar to me, I was met with puzzled looks.
From other adults on the spectrum, I began to learn coping strategies and about the concept of neurodiversity. I learned that it was okay to struggle with things that come naturally to typical adults, that there was no shame in finding socializing difficult, that my autistic traits can be a source of strength.
Acceptance, or more precisely self-acceptance, means unconditionally embracing yourself as you are. For most of my life, my view of myself was predicated on what I had achieved.
I felt a strong need to succeed academically, professionally, athletically, and even socially, as a way of validating my self-worth. My fragile self-esteem was buttressed by a constant need to outdo myself. My diagnosis came at a time when the demands of life were beginning to exceed my patchwork of coping strategies and workarounds. Not only was I finding it more difficult to excel at work, some days I was finding it hard simply to show up. It was clear to me that I needed new coping strategies and one of them would have to be admitting that I had needs and weaknesses. One of the most difficult parts of understanding acceptance was the abstractness seeking aspie woman the immediacy of seeking aspie woman.
Acceptance meant embracing myself as I am, in the present. It meant letting go of the idea that I would some day magically become a more competent, mature, socially adept version of myself.
It was a nonlinear process, one that took nearly two years and a great deal of internal work. I envision myself on one side of a chasm, mired in self-doubt and seeking aspie woman. On the other side of the chasm lies acceptance, waiting for me to leap across and embrace it. Unfortunately, no amount of practice or effort will allow me to make that leap in a single bound. Instead, I needed to build a bridge across the chasm, one plank at a time, and walk over it.
That bridge turned out to be a series of specific steps that played important roles in helping me reach a place of acceptance. Self-knowledge is an essential part of self-acceptance. However, some autistic individuals are missing a key piece of self-knowledge: a diagnosis.
As someone who made it well into adulthood undiagnosed, I had devised seeking aspie woman alternative explanations for why I struggled with things that seemed to come naturally to my peers. None of my explanations were positive. Often they revolved around me needing to try harder or being fundamentally incompetent in areas like social skills and communication. The self-knowledge that a formal diagnosis gave me was the first step toward self-acceptance. In the absence of the true explanation for my differences, I would have gone on creating my own explanations indefinitely.
My diagnosis allowed me stop questioning and start educating myself about how and why my brain works differently. Those who have received a professional diagnosis often talk about their lives as I do, in terms of before and after, and the validation that a formal diagnosis brings. Late-diagnosed adults also speak of wishing they knew sooner. So many of us grew up knowing we were different but not seeking aspie woman why.
Today, children are more likely to be diagnosed in early childhood, presenting an opportunity for them to grow up understanding their differences and how to cope with them.
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If marriage or parenting was mentioned at all, it was with the assumption that people on the spectrum were ill-equipped for both. Information on comorbid mental illnesses and high unemployment rates was plentiful but there were few stories of autistic people leading fulfilling adult lives. I started to think that I was either an outlier or not on the spectrum at all. It was only when I discovered the blogs of autistic adults that I began to see my adult self reflected in the experiences of other people on the spectrum.
Perhaps, again, it was my literal-minded approach that left me feeling grim after my initial research. In reality, I discovered autistic adults who were happily married and unemployed, single parents with full-time jobs, college students with no interest in dating, business owners who were intentionally childless—every variation of adulthood imaginable, just like nonautistic adults.
Through reading the experiences of adults like me, I seeking aspie woman to frame autism in a positive but realistic light. Doing so helped me find my place on the seeking aspie woman. Here were other autistic people, succeeding in some parts of their lives and struggling in others, and many of them seemed not just happy but content with being autistic.
They talked openly about their difficulties.
They seemed to genuinely embrace themselves, disability and all. This was a revelation to me. However, it was the second part of that phrase that really drew me up short.
Asperger syndrome generally involves:
I realized that I needed to respect my own process. Seeking aspie woman big part of acceptance has been honestly confronting the areas of my life where I need accommodations or supports and taking steps to actively meet those needs. There have been a surprising of challenges in learning to identify my needs and ask for accommodations. At the most basic level, I had difficulty knowing when I was struggling with a task or situation—and seeking aspie woman sometimes do. When I can identify a need, my instinct is to minimize or ignore it.
Another challenge is that asking for accommodations identifies me to others as different. Simply the act of including wants with my needs when talking about accommodations has required a shift in my thinking process. At first I thought of accommodations and supports as the bare minimum changes in my life that would allow me to what was required. With the encouragement of the people in my life who want me to be happy and healthy, I was able to see that accommodations and supports can apply to things that I want as well. For example, if I want to have an enjoyable dinner at a restaurant, I might have to ask to be seated at a quieter table away from high traffic areas.
If I want to be less overloaded at a family gathering, I might need seeking aspie woman leave the party for 30 minutes of quiet time alone. Understanding how my brain works differently, has helped me identify many things, big and small, that I can do to minimize my discomfort and increase my enjoyment of life.
Acceptance has allowed me to think of myself as a person whose needs and wants have value and that has contributed ificantly to my happiness. Acceptance is something that happened within me and also to me. As I came to accept myself, I found the people around me becoming more accepting of my autistic traits.
There was a give and take to the process, with me becoming gradually more myself and my family encouraging and embracing the changes in me. Similarly, there were times when it was difficult for those around me to process the changes that were happening. I was the same person post-diagnosis, but with a powerful new piece of self-knowledge.
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I felt as if I was seeing myself clearly for the seeking aspie woman time. It was important to me that my family validate that feeling. In addition to family support, acceptance can be nurtured through community. For some of us, community comes in the form of in-person support groups or attending a school where many of the students are on the spectrum. Others, myself included, find support in autistic-friendly online spaces. Community can also be a place to find mentors.