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In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all. One in five Americans have engaged in consensual non-monogamy.

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It's all good until someone spots you on bumble and assumes you're cheating on your partner.

We use different words to describe what we do: ethical non-monogamy. Open marriage. Relationship anarchy. Polyamory online dating meaning of all of these terms is the same: we are not out here looking for The One. What I want to talk about is how to do it well. Many people use Tinder with the goal of moving toward short- or long-term monogamy. The most important thing I have learned is that non-monogamous people should put that fact in their bios.

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People you talk to romantically have a right to know where you stand. Polyamory takes many different forms, and two people using the same word can mean totally different things.


I talk briefly about rules and safety protocols, so that they understand how seriously I mean what I say. Can you imagine if writing this was my big announcement the world? But many polyamorous people are out to their friends and not their families.

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Some are out on Facebook but prefer not to go on polyamory online dating somewhere they might be seen by someone in their meatspace social circles. All of this needs to be discussed, because it affects how I expect my date to behave and how they can expect me to behave.

The best outcomes usually arise when dating other people in open relationships. It means that my explanations will go down more easily and that I can expect a common ground of at least vocabularies if not rules.


The truth is I work hard enough already, because polyamorous people have to do a lot of talking about things that make some people uncomfortable. The most important responsibility for polyamorous people on Tinder is around sexual health.

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Those of us who have multiple partners bear a larger burden, and we have to open up with clothes and lights still on about STI status, birth control, and safer sex. I disclose the salient parts of my sexual history and ask frank questions. I take PrePand I always protect myself. Every polyamorous person should be expected to do the same.


Those ethics are rooted primarily in honesty; for me that means honesty with my partners, my community, and myself. We also just do a lot more work.

The struggles of online dating when you're poly

Meg Elison is a science fiction novelist and feminist essayist living in Oakland, California. Find her at megelison. Tinder Pick-Up Lines.


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