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Wellness » Love. We are seeing large age gaps in the dating pool and not just the typical old-man-younger-woman narrative.

About me

So you're not a "10" in every which way.

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But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now. Verified by Psychology Today. Defining Memories.

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In fundamental ways, dating is the same at any age. Falling in love is joyous. Rejection after a relationship is painful. Recovery from the loss of a loving relationship often takes longer than one anticipates. Resilience prevails through the excitement of meeting someone new and through the realization that dating itself has value. In other important ways, dating is different later in life. From my conversations with middle-aged people who are dating, I have distilled a few observations and lessons.

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In particular, there is an increased resistance to changing oneself, a belief that time for active dating may be running out, and the clear knowledge that dating is not meant to start a family. Openness to Change. After many years of learning and accomplishment, many middle-aged people believe they should remain true to their present selves — which is fine, unless that belief translates into resisting change. Even at age fifty or sixty or seventy, people are still learning about creating relationships and recovering from breakups.

About the author

One sixty-year-old man I talked to was told three separate times by three middle age dating canada women that he furrowed his brow when listening, giving the impression of displeasure and disapproval. His solution: be himself — minus the furrowed brow.

He also decided to smile more, but not too much. Advancing age does not mean increased urgency after a breakup. It is important to keep in mind that other, similar-aged people are also looking for romance.

Growing older actually means increased experience with relationships of many kinds. Many people are dating after divorce or death of a spouse. Most have been in the workforce for at least two decades. The complexities of maintaining personal and professional relationships for many years create memories that people can draw on to get through a breakup — as sources of strength and wisdom.

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Not seeking to start a family actually takes pressure off the interview aspects of dating, allowing people to focus on getting to know each other. This focus may cause relationships to end more quickly, but at the same time, people also get to know each other more quickly and gain more varied experience in building meaningful connections.

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Enjoy the process of dating as a whole — the excitement of knowing people in ways that would otherwise not occur. The emotional pain of rejection is more alive than emotional numbness. Shielding oneself reduces pain but also diminishes the liveliness of dating and the chances for love. Be open to the joys of dating and the disappointments of breaking up. And the next joys. Robert N. Kraft, Ph. Back Psychology Today.

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Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine.

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You Are Good Enough So you're not a "10" in every which way. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Kraft Ph. About the Author.

Maintaining balance while dating and breaking up – and dating again

Read Next. Reconsidering the Lessons of Memory.

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