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Grace, 21, a writer and animator living in Massachusetts, is telling me about one of her fondest sexual memories with her boyfriend: the day her strap-on broke.

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She adds that her straight ex-boyfriend would get defensive when she tried to communicate with him about sex. Things like prostate play, for example, can be a huge taboo for straight men.

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For Amy, a year-old school administrator in Egypt, bisexual men are attractive because of their tendency to hold more enlightened social attitudes, a sentiment dozens of women echoed to me. Bisexuality is reported less frequently in men than women: 5.

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All of which is to say that bisexual women are assumed, deep down, to be straight. Bisexual men, on the other hand, are assumed, deep down, to be gay ; using bisexuality as a way station to coming out as homosexual.

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Abigail, 25, a writer from New Zealand, tells me that her straight ex-boyfriend internalized this binary logic so thoroughly that, after she confessed to cheating on him, he visibly relaxed when she revealed that the other man was bisexual. He had no idea how much that bisexual man got me off by describing sexual acts with other men.

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Bisexual men also report experiencing fetishization from dating partners, who sometimes express prurient curiosity about their sex lives. This can quickly become tiresome. Despite differing cultural attitudes toward non-monosexual men and women, the two groups have many shared experiences, which may explain why so many bisexual women told me they preferred the solidarity of dating bi men.

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Both are stigmatized as confused, unstable and promiscuous. For bisexual men, this feeling may be especially acute.

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To hear many women tell it, bisexual men are tarnished goods. Madeleine Holden is a lawyer and freelance writer based between Berlin and New Zealand. She writes about relationships, sex, gender and whatever the hell else she feels like for MEL. More Stories from MEL.

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