Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives. We both told each other just how much we loved the relationship. We enjoy giving to it and nurturing it. We enjoy receiving from it. It challenges us on a regular basis, but ultimately those challenges make us better people.
Emotional intelligence EQ is the secret of lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that are constantly occurring in ourselves and others. We have the potential to attain love n date kind of love we all dream of—deep intimacy, mutual kindness, real commitment, soulful caring—simply because of empathy, our innate ability to share emotional experience. We have the potential to attain the kind of love we all dream of —deep intimacy and mutual kindness, real committed, soulful caring—simply because of empathy and our innate ability to share emotional experience.
But to achieve those relationship goals, we need all the skills of a high EQ:. In fact, for many people, falling in love serves as motivation for reeducating the heart.
When you ride out your fear of change, you discover that different does not necessarily mean worse. Things often come out better than ever on the far side of change.
Relationships are organisms themselves, and by nature must change. Your ability to embrace change pays off in courage and optimism. Ask yourself, does your lover need something new from you? Do you need to schedule some time to reevaluate together?
Are external influences demanding a change in your respective roles? Are you as happy as you used to be? Your courage and optimism allow you to view dilemmas not as problems, but as challenging opportunities. How creative can the two love n date you be? You can meet differences between you and unavoidable crises, as invitations to find each other, challenges to get closer and emerge individually and collectively stronger.
Many relationships have been ruined by blame, and millions of couples have missed out on deep intimacy because of shame.
Both are cruel remainders of unfelt anger, fear, and anxiety. To avoid intellectualizing emotions you, need acceptance, and a big part of your acceptance comes from laughter. They may not be able to tolerate its unique flaws and inevitable stumbles, any more than they can put up with their own. Fortunately, you have a flawless way of monitoring exactly how your relationship is going: Use the three gauges of well-being to figure love n date how the rest of your life is going. Are you feeling restless or irritable in general?
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Do you drag through your day at the office or school after a night of marital bliss? Do you resent family and friends even though the two of you are spending every available minute alone together? Love never benefits from tunnel vision. When this happens, all the information about you, your lover, and your relationship that your emotions and your intellect have gathered will steer you to the best solution.
We choose a mate for reasons that have to do more with what we think than how we love n date. We conduct our relationships based on how things should be or have been. This is exactly where we go wrong. But unless they know how they feel, their choice is destined to be wrong. Whenever your daydreams of a prospective lover take the form of mental debates justifying your choice or agonizing over it, breathe, relax, and focus to get out of your head and check in with your body.
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Muscle tension, migraines, stomach pains, or lack of energy could mean what you desire is not what you need. On the other hand, if the glow of love is accompanied by an increase in energy and liveliness, this could be the real thing.
Ask yourself these high-EQ questions:. Try being the first to reach out—reveal an intimate secret, laugh at yourself, or show affection when it seems most frightening. Does their reaction fill you with warmth and vitality? If so, you may have found an empathic, kindred soul.
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If not, you may have found someone with a low EQ, and will have to decide how to respond to them. The following exercise can help. How emotional intelligence EQ impacts relationships Emotional intelligence EQ is the secret of lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that are constantly occurring in ourselves and others.
love n date Actively seek change in your relationship When you ride out your fear of change, you discover that different does not necessarily mean worse. View the challenges you encounter as opportunities rather than problems Your courage and optimism allow you to view dilemmas not as problems, but as challenging opportunities. Keep the laughter in your love life To avoid intellectualizing emotions you, need acceptance, and a big part of your acceptance comes from laughter.
Pay attention to how you feel when your lover is not around Fortunately, you have a flawless way of monitoring exactly how your relationship is going: Use the three gauges of well-being to figure out how the rest of your life is going.
Let your lover know what you feel. Listen from emotional experience. Show the support and love that your lover needs. One person may find a suggestion or a helping hand useful or comforting; another person may find the same action intrusive.
Not everyone likes to be touched in the same way, enjoys being affectionate in public, or responds the same way to receiving gifts.
Let empathy guide you. When in doubt, ask.
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Be prepared to work at the relationship. Relationships grow and thrive with attention, or wither and die of neglect. Learn from your lover. Active awareness keeps you from relying on past assumptions. Watch out for emotional memories. Emotional remainders of past hurts are most dangerous with those we love today.
Emotional intelligence in love and relationships
Remember that the only problem with making mistakes is not admitting it. The complexities of relationships guarantee error, but even mistakes are opportunities for growth if met without blame.
Use change as an opportunity to grow your relationship. Any change is stressful, but it is also an opportunity love n date renew and revitalize your relationship. What you need to feel loved vs. Select five qualities or characteristics in descending order that feel most important to you in a lover. As you consider each characteristic, ask yourself whether it energizes, calms, and stirs you emotionally. Is the experience pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral? A desire will be fleeting or rather superficial, while a need will register at a deeper feeling level.
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Do the exercise several times to get an even clearer understanding of the differences between your desires and your felt needs in love. Get more help. Print PDF.