The mind of a woman is not something to be understood by men — you can try, but you will fail. Trust me, I am one. Luckily for you though, in a never ending quest to enlighten and improve the mind of the male species, sometimes I like to divulge things about the mysterious opposite sex which might just improve your lives a little — your love lives that is.
Most of it was somewhere between bad and terrible. We connected quickly but deeply. Neither of us pretended it was anything more than a one-night stand and it felt amazing. There was also the time with a friend who wanted to lose his virginity and I agreed to be his first. Those were the exceptions. The rest of my casual sex experiences were complete let downs.
I know what was missing from them — I just never got it.
Now that casual sex seems to be so much more common, it seems people are having less of the kind of sex I had on that train and more of the kind I had in dark bedrooms at parties. If you want better casual sex, here are some ways to make it happen.
Your first big, important decision when it comes to casual sex is who you have it with. So, think carefully about what will happen afterward.
Will you have to see them all the time? Will things get weird? Will this complicate your life after the sex is over? Coworkers are usually a bad choice because of this. It can make things hella awkward at the office or at work-related functions. People in your close-knit friends group are also usually a bad choice, because it can create tension not just between the two of you, but with your friends as well. Be honest about what you want out of your encounter. And then they pull away. And you wonder what the hell happened. What happened to the relationship that was building, to all that intimacy?
I love the simple way Shallon Lester breaks this down. She says that a woman is either a friend, a fuck friend, or a girlfriend. The problem happens when you categorize her in one way and then treat her differently. It sends them mixed messages and girl want sex women wanting fun get hurt. Again, this is all about honest communication. Convey your lust and desire, not your love unless you genuinely feel that way.
Keep your flirty banter on the dirty side. Think flames and winks, not hearts and flowers.
I want a casual hookup, not a relationship – how do i say that on tinder?
More often than not, casual sex involves you going over some stuff. That takes some clear communication. In my experience, a lot of men say they want to be friends with benefits but what they really mean is they just want to fuck whenever they feel like it. They want the benefits but none of the effort or minimal commitment involved in treating me like a human, let alone a friend.
You just need to hash it out clearly and explicitly to make sure everyone is on the same. That means inside and outside of sex, too. Do you just want to meet up for sex and nothing more? If so, how frequently ballpark s, anyway? Will you keep in touch in between or is every text just girl want sex women wanting fun to be a booty call? Are there some things that happen between your sexual encounters that would make you feel used or devalued? Get tested and use condoms. Almost no women are anorgasmic. If someone puts in a real decent effort, they will almost always be able to make a woman come.
So, use that tongue and those fingers. Or better yet, ask her about her favorite ways to come and give her what she needs. She might still not have an orgasm.
We asked women how they feel about casual sex
You will get yours. Just make sure she gets hers, too.
One of the best things about casual sex is having someone really lust after you. Give them your time and your focused attention. Though again, remember to do it through lust, not fake displays of love.
Lots of people — and probably most women — will want to at least be seduced a little. Personally, my arousal is responsive.
The seduction that happens before casual sex can make a big difference, but so can the things that happen afterward. Talk, hang out, maybe even give a little physical affection. Good casual sex involves a connection. But it also means dissolving that connection once its done. That can be a little rough, so just make sure you sever it gently. Or you could just want to have different kinds of sex. Take a good, hard look at your feelings and trust them. Casual sex is supposed to be fun. This guide was a little personal. A lot of what is in here is based on what I want or need out of casual sex.
I realize that not everyone will want an emotional connection.
Some people might just want the drop-in and drop-your-pants approach. So be honest, be giving, and be clear about your needs.
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in. How to Do Casual Sex Right. Emma Austin Follow. Choose Wisely Your first big, important decision when it comes to casual sex is who you have it with. Be Lusty but Not Romantic Again, this is all about honest communication.
How to do casual sex right
Be Present One of the best things about casual sex is having someone really lust after you. Practice Aftercare The seduction that happens before casual sex can make a big difference, but so can the things that happen afterward. Be Honest with Yourself Take a good, hard look at your feelings and trust them. Or Would that Ruin the Mood? Is it hotter to ask permission or just kiss her? Love, Emma Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin.
Sex Relationships Dating Advice Life. Love, Emma Follow. Written by Emma Austin Follow. More From Medium.
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