Sarah Frost. Things change as we age. We all know that. The way we approach relationship issues changes; we gather a little perspective on life and love, and hopefully a little maturity, too.
But for every happy ending, I have many more stories of delusional expectations and rejection. Sofi Papamarko Updated May 21, I met Lana on a tour bus in Paris and we became instant pals.
Lana was cute, whip-smart and sarcastic as hell. The more I talked to her, the more she reminded me of someone I knew. Later, she said something a bit geeky and I felt a jolt of recognition. The person she reminded me of was Cameron, a university pal. I asked Lana if she was single she was. I started introducing single people to one another and they just kept falling in love or, at least, lust.
Meet compatible something singles online
After the third or fourth like-minded couple dated courtesy of my meddling, I took a huge gamble. I walked away from the 9-to-5 job I hated and started my own matchmaking company. Now, I had no actual training as a matchmaker. Yet somehow, lonely stranger after lonely stranger entrusted me with their money and their heart.
Forty clients registered in my very first week.
I was in business. Gushing, grateful s and smiling couple selfies started piling up in my inbox. For the first few years of matchmaking, I burst into tears at every client engagement, wedding invitation and birth announcement.
Early on, I remember seeing a production of Hedda Gabler. The vast majority of my female applicants were in their 30s and 40s with amazing lives.
Your goals are different
A lot of them were homeowners and were absolutely killing it in their professional and creative endeavours. They were doctors, lawyers, ad executives, entrepreneurs, writers, politicians and powerhouses.
But no amount of hard work could help them find love. These women were done with endless hours of swiping on Tinder.
Done with the flakes on OKCupid, the crickets on eHarmony. Done with the disappointing set-ups by well-meaning family and friends. They were ready to find lovesettle down and maybe start a family. Those who did were mostly looking to date women in their 20s. In general, people of all ages, shapes, sizes and appearances value the young, slim, tall and objectively beautiful. Straight men are particularly guilty of ageism in dating.
That said, the women could be just as dating for 30 somethings as the men. One early client was a beautiful, stylish and successful woman in her 40s. She told me she wanted to date a tall minimum six feethandsome, never-married man between the ages of 40 and 50, ideally with salt and pepper hair. Oh, and also?
He had to be a firefighter. I tried to talk her out of her rigid preferences, but she was resolute. I went home discouraged. How was I ever going to find a firefighter to ignite her heart? The following week, a wonderful man ed up for the service.
The dating pool is smaller
Who happened to be a firefighter. I practically leapt with joy and relief. But when I presented him to her as a potential match, she turned down meeting him…because he was 39—one year below her preferred age range. Fancy cars chip and rust.
1. get clear about what you want
Deer suits fall out of style. Eventually, my matchmaking successes were eclipsed by my frustrations. Other clients would ghost on their dates or on me.
Or smart but bald. Every good match felt overshadowed by tantrums from people who came into the experience with difficult standards and questionable expectations.
So many people feel disconnected and lonely. Last year, at the practically geriatric for women dating age of 37, I fell hard for a sweet, smart and funny man over Twitter. I totally understand those lyrics now! Had I come across my love on OKCupid instead of slowly getting to know him through his tweets, would I have given him a chance, despite our totally unimportant and completely unnoticeable year age gap? Despite having helped so many others find love, I was certain I was going to be alone forever. Photo, Rob Kittredge.
4 reasons we love these apps for singles in their 30s
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