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When you want something, you don't sit and wait patiently for the other party to get good and ready hot want sex to the contract. You set a deadline. They it, deliver the goods, or you take your business elsewhere.
Your sweetie has hemmed and hawed and checked out your competetors enough. Now, you set a date for the wedding, and, and you tell him what you want him to do to get ready and how you want him to do it. If he fails at the first task, like producing a ring on the day you told him to, or shows s of not really wanting to participate, you break some more of his stuff for him and leave. In fact, if you want to cure him of busting up the bric-a-brac, start busting up his Wars collectables whenever YOU get mad.
You'll a change in his behavior quick. Little boys who are never ready to leave off playing and go to bed, grow into men who are never ready to leave off playing and go to the alter.
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Somebody has to make them. They didn't teach you that in any of your doctoral-level classes, did they. He was married before and it went bad.
He's worried that if he say's "I do" then he lose whatever he invests, or did invest, in his marriage, just like last time. The "I do" is just a formality.
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It's important to you, as it was to his first wife, and he doesn't want to give in like he did last time. His concerns are deep rooted and likely not to change. If you push the issue it develop resentment whether you do, or do not, actually get married.
Your talk of being close to family is an indicator that you value your past ties more than your present ones. Family is an easy reason to return but not a logical one.
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If your family had all parted ways, would you still want to move? The answer is "Yes", isn't it? You already know what's going on.
You want something different than what you have. It's put up or shut up time. But, what you don't is that, even if he says yes to getting married, it won't solve the underlying issue.
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The issue is that you are unhappy. You feel that ANY change, whether it's getting married or moving back "home", be a good change. The good news ANY change work. So if he's not willing to take the plunge, and as I said, it won't solve the problem, then you should split it off and move back home and pursue your life. You've spent a third of your adult life test driving this relationship. Now it's time to the papers. Are you ready to make the deal?
The answer is an emphatic "NO! But before you have the talk, get all your ducks in a row.
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Make sure you have the finances and such so that after the talk you can just go home. Make up your mind and either get out or don't. If you don't, then realize that you are with him for better or worse whether or not you papers to the effect. ALSO, very important. Do NOT make him think everything is fine before the talk. It's not cool for you to make him think you have a future while you are making plans to leave.
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