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Why being nice doesn't always lead to love

When it comes to dating, things are never as easy as they should be. From trying to figure out where to meet nice guys to navigating a budding romance, dating can often feel like too much to handle on your own. So we asked some smart and savvy women to give us their takes on modern dating. If nerves and fear of the unknown have kept you from ever ing up for a dating app, we hear you. But here is the secret: Tons of women who have tried dating apps have actually met nice guys!


But with a discerning eye and a sense of humor, they have tamed Tinder and are meeting men who share their desire for a relationship. So ladies, my question for you is this: How have you made your experience with dating apps lead to real connections rather than just hook ups?

I was talking with some girlfriends one day and one told me that she only gets men messaging her on a certain app for quick hookups.

Why is online dating so hard?

I was bewildered. I use the exact same app and had never once had a man inquire about a sexual rendezvous.


So I asked to see her profile, and I saw the problem immediately. Our profile photo selections looked totally different. Men are visual, so if you show them a picture of you in your bathing suit or even a tight dress at a club, they immediate focus on your body partsnot your potential as a long-term mate. I try to highlight aspects about myself I want men to notice like my smileand I avoid posting pictures that highlight my cleavage or any other sexual parts.


I also have a full-body picture of me so they really see me. Even though everyone says never to put a group photo on a dating app, I want to show that I come from a solid foundation.

Where are all the good single guys hiding?

And it's my family, not a group of girls at a bachelorette party. Would you like to go for coffee sometime? Rather than trying to set up a profile on every single app out there, choose one or two to make your mark on. Instead, focus on the apps that show whether you and a guy share any connections Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel, for example.

Maggie: be selective with your apps.

These are often your best bets for finding a nice guy. Typically, those guys are the keepers. Also, prior to the date, I can do a bit of not-so-secret vetting. A friend and I were getting drinks one day when she confessed that she had recently started using OkCupid. I was immediately skeptical, having heard lots of not-so-great tales from others about the service, but she quickly added that a seemingly decent guy had contacted her and wanted to take her out on a date.


She showed me his profile Cute! Med student! I encouraged her to go, so long as they met in a public place and she kept her cell phone nearby. Long story short, she went, they fell in love, and they've been happily married for two years.


Seek out the older, wiser, less jaded friend whose judgment you trust. Who knows? You might one day thank them for giving you a nudge in the direction of Mr. I think by far the biggest complaint I hear from my girlfriends when we talk about dating apps, is that you end up with all these unfinished conversations, dead air, and incomplete interactions. Getting from match to message is the easy part, but getting from message to meet-up takes some real leg work.


Take Bumble, for example, where women have to initiate the conversation. Saying hi is only the first step. If you have to, set a reminder to check in on your app s.

Marry him!

Conversations that lapse for more than a day or so rarely result in dates, in my experience. Stay engaged and remember to ask questions as well as answer them in order to keep things going. Seems like common sense, but this is key! Chat it up openly, be a little flirty, and present yourself as a friendly and sociable woman that this guy would be a fool not to ask out. I talked about what I did for work and what I enjoyed doing on the weekends and cracked a few jokes. He might just surprise you. Physical attraction is important, yes, but sometimes that takes longer than a quick swipe to develop.

The 12 guys you meet on tinder

When I tried apps and online dating, I was determined to be as open-minded as I could be—which was all well and good until I started ignoring my intuition. These were guys who had fun hobbies, steady jobs, quick wits, and who held the door open for me.


I sussed these guys out of the vast sea of idiots by first having a strong sense of myself and the confidence to presenting that person—the real me—online. Then, I went out and scouted guys whose profiles seemed to echo the same things I valued.

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I know it sounds a little like Narcissus looking into the poolbut I deed my profile in hopes of attracting someone, well, a lot like me. The law of attraction says that like attracts likemeaning that you will draw people to you who are putting out the same kind of energy. This is as true online as it is in person, I promise you. Have any dating question you want the girls to hash out with Verily readers? E-mail Monica at ohhello verilymag.


So you thought that doing things you love would lead to more dates? You might want to try these tips instead.

Watch next

These pearls of wisdom passed on from mother to son are truly heartwarming. In the age of dating apps, our insecurities are still as powerful as they ever were. The company announced today that it no longer wants to be an app for people who are addicted to swiping. Home Relationships. By Taylor Davies.


By Monica Gabriel Marshall.