Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. We have to be able to handle these bumps in the road and adjust course. Martinez suggests a really fun and easy exercise to get your juices flowing in the right direction. Grab a drink and write down every single little thing you would ideally want in a person, and even feel free to be a little unreasonable.
After more than five years of dating, Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff have ended their relationship, despite earlier telling the world they were headed towards marriage. They owned a house and dog together and had dated and lived together for five years.
Life is too short for people who want to get married and have a family to spend years spinning their wheels on a relationship without shared goals and no real future. Dunham was in her mid-twenties when she started her relationship with Antonoff.
Past high school and college, in a job that will hopefully turn into a career, and easing into a livelihood that might support a family, your twenties are a time of moving from the immaturity and selfishness of childhood to young adulthood. This is the age that the little girl dreams of happily ever after, of that imagined fairytale wedding with the beautiful dress and sparkly crown. Women dream about and plan their wedding for years before meeting their groom, with many brides-to-be setting out plans around 13 years old.
The twenties are a time to start settling down
More than just idle daydreams about dresses and cakes, playlists and dances, women sometimes also start saving for that wedding years before meeting the man they hope to marry. There are men and women who never want to get married.
There are also people who are not called to celibacy, and desire to spend their life with someone else.
Still others say they want marriage and their own family but take no concrete steps towards making that happen. Keeping up a relationship for years, hoping that things will change while time passes, is ultimately not best for either partner. This is the loss of everyone who has ever loved someone and spent years nurturing and building up that loving, imagining that it will grow into the kind of relationship that becomes a family that lasts, only to be left and see that person marry the next person he dates.
This is the loss of everyone who has ever wondered Why me? The often mocked biological clock has truth behind it, especially for those who hope for more than one.
The biological clock is real
It takes time to court, to fall in love, to get married. It also takes time to conceive and havethen to have another.
If you want babies and a family, consider carefully whether waiting for years and years before starting to try is really in your best interests. Lena is neither the victim nor the hero of this story, because an ended relationship is a story where no one wins. Even with shifting morals and cultural views about cohabitation before marriage, there are statistical risks to jumping into playing family before actually committing. Before investing ificant time and emotional energy in a relationship, people need to be honest with each other, and with themselves.
They need to set expectations for the present and the future, and set goals, then practice adult communication skills to see if those goals and expectations are compatible. Men who are more interested in running from responsibility, in chasing adolescence and immature sexual gratification, or objectifying women through pornography, make poor spouses. A relationship that is wrapped up in a wedding-day 5 years of dating the height of the relationship is doomed to fail. It misses that the beauty of loving someone enough to build a life together that will have valleys and mountains.
Of course marriage will have good days and bad, but all of those will be had together, creating something stronger and more complete together.
Marriage is a commitment, one that must be entered into with maturity and hope, and two people who both want it. January 10, Communicate Your Expectations Clearly and Early Before investing ificant time and emotional energy in a relationship, people need to be honest with each other, and with themselves. Holly Scheer is a writer and editor, and a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow her on Twitter HScheer